From: hubermanlab
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Grief is an inevitable and natural response to loss that everyone experiences in their lifetime. Although widely felt, the process and understanding of grief can remain mystifying to many. This article distills insights from a discussion on the Huberman Lab Podcast about grief’s psychological and neurological underpinnings, providing a foundational understanding and tools to navigate it.
What is Grief?
Grief is not merely a state of sadness. At its core, it is a motivational state characterized by a deep yearning for something or someone that cannot be reached anymore. This understanding is grounded in neuroscience, illustrating that grief activates brain areas associated with motivation and craving, similar to those involved in addiction and desire (Neuroscience and Biology of Desires) ([00:17:58]).
The Dimensions of Attachment
Grief disrupts our mental maps of relationships, which function across three primary dimensions: space, time, and emotional closeness. When a loss occurs, it challenges our ability to map these dimensions, which were formed through shared experiences and implicit knowledge about the individual or the lost entity (Influence of Early Attachment on Relationship Dynamics) ([00:34:08]).
- Space - Where the person or thing typically is in relation to us.
- Time - When we expect to interact with or think about them.
- Closeness - The emotional attachment or bond.
Grieving involves reorienting these maps by maintaining emotional connections while understanding the spatial and temporal loss.
Misconceptions About Grief
One common myth is that there are universally experienced stages of grief. Research shows that while stages such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance exist, individuals often do not experience them linearly or uniformly. The grief process can vary significantly between individuals (Stages and Myths About Grief) ([00:05:55]).
Navigating the Grieving Process
Grieving is a process necessitating neuroplasticity—a reordering of neural connections between the brain and body. It’s crucial to move through grief by holding onto one’s emotional attachment while recalibrating spatial and temporal expectations regarding the person or entity lost (Tools for Healthy Grieving and Neuroplasticity) ([00:56:03]).
Tools for Processing Grief
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Mindful Awareness: Engage in dedicated, mindful grieving sessions, anchoring yourself in the emotional connection while consciously uncoupling memories tied to past interactions.
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Avoiding Counterfactual Thinking: Refrain from indulging in “what if” scenarios, which can lead to guilt and prevent healing (Understanding and Interpreting Emotions).
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Regulating Stress and Sleep: Practices like viewing sunlight early in the morning (Impact of Light on Circadian Rhythms) to stabilize cortisol rhythms, and relaxation techniques to increase vagal tone can assist in managing the physiological stressors of grief (Science-based Tools for Managing Stress) ([01:48:43]).
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Physical Tools: Utilize breathing techniques to enhance vagal tone and aid mind-body integration, which can help process emotions effectively (Breathing Techniques for Stress Reduction).
Addressing Complicated Grief
Complicated grief (~10% of people) does not resolve in time without intervention and can severely impact functionality. Strategies to prevent and address complicated grief involve reducing baseline stress and physiological arousal before anticipated losses through stress management tools (Tools for Measuring Recovery and Avoiding Overtraining) and maintaining healthy sleep patterns (Science-based Tools for Optimizing Sleep) ([00:11:12]).
Conclusion
Understanding grief as a motivational and emotional state can foster more adaptive approaches to processing loss. Embracing both the attachment and the new reality of absence requires mindful practice that integrates psychological insights with evidence-based tools for emotional and physiological health. By doing so, one honors the memory and significance of their loss while maintaining their own well-being (The Psychology of Mortality and Meaning).