From: hubermanlab
In a wide-ranging discussion on the Huberman Lab podcast, psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb and Andrew Huberman delve into the complexities of emotional responses and how our intuition, or “gut feelings,” can sometimes lead us astray when not properly calibrated. This article explores the nuances of self-regulation, emotional narratives, and the importance of understanding one’s operating instructions in relationships. This ties into the broader context of strategies for emotional self-control and the role of emotional intelligence in maintaining healthy interpersonal dynamics.
Emotional Self-Regulation
Emotional self-regulation plays a crucial role in how we interact with others and perceive situations. Gottlieb emphasizes the distinction between self-regulation and co-regulation in relationships. Self-regulation involves managing one’s internal emotional state independently, whereas co-regulation involves both partners staying calm to stabilize the relationship. Huberman reinforces that it’s vital for at least one person in a situation to remain composed to prevent emotional escalation [00:06:41].
Critiquing Intuition
A substantial portion of the conversation centers on the reliability of our gut feelings. While intuition can offer immediate, albeit sometimes erroneous, guidance, Huberman notes that these instinctual responses need critical evaluation. When faced with a strong emotional response, rather than reacting instinctively, it is often more productive to pause and reconsider one’s initial reaction [02:06:03]. This aligns with the understanding of dopamine’s role in decision-making and the importance of improving self-awareness to mitigate biases.
Gottlieb adds that our gut feelings are often influenced by past experiences and can sometimes lead us to recreate patterns that once felt familiar but were ultimately unhealthy. She suggests that recalibrating our responses can lead to better decision-making in relationships and personal matters, echoing the principles of narrative crafting in cognitive behavior. [02:06:07].
The Role of Emotional Narratives
Gottlieb highlights the human tendency to craft narratives around our emotions and experiences. These narratives can be shaped by prior experiences, leading to a bias in how we perceive new situations or people. She discusses how these stories can either help us understand our emotions or mislead us by entrenching us in past traumas or misconceptions [03:02:25]. Such insights relate closely to the therapeutic approaches for emotional regulation.
To navigate this, Gottlieb recommends actively examining these narratives, questioning their origins, and determining their validity. She emphasizes the importance of asking oneself, “How does this story serve me?” and adjusting it to reflect current truths rather than past constructs [03:02:27].
Determining Compatibility Through Emotional Insight
An intriguing point made by Gottlieb is the idea of using our emotional responses as a barometer for compatibility in relationships. She advises asking oneself, “How do I feel when I’m with this person?” and using that feeling as a guide. This introspective question can reveal underlying emotional truths about the relationship that may not be immediately apparent on a cognitive level. This method is aligned with understanding emotional development in personal contexts. [02:37:29].
Moving Forward with Emotional Awareness
Ultimately, the episode underscores the importance of achieving a balance between being guided by our emotions and critically analyzing their origins and impacts. By fostering emotional intelligence and mindfulness, individuals can enhance both personal well-being and relationship satisfaction. Huberman and Gottlieb’s insights serve as a reminder that while our feelings can be informative, they require thoughtful interpretation and sometimes adjustment to avoid self-sabotage and to grow beyond past constraints. These insights complement various resilience techniques for personal development and emotional health.