From: hubermanlab
Managing Difficult Emotions in Children
In a recent discussion with Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist specializing in parent-child relationships, an array of strategies to manage difficult emotions in children was explored. These strategies provide parents with actionable tools to help children navigate their emotional landscapes effectively, ensuring a healthier developmental trajectory.
Understanding Emotional Outbursts
Dr. Kennedy emphasizes understanding rather than reacting impulsively to children’s emotional outbursts. Children often display intense emotions like anger or frustration through behaviors such as tantrums or saying hurtful things, for example, “I hate you” [01:06:00]. These expressions are not just behaviors to be corrected but signals of deeper emotional distress or unmet needs.
The Role of Boundaries and Empathy
A fundamental part of managing difficult emotions is setting healthy boundaries combined with empathy. Dr. Kennedy suggests that emotions should be validated without letting them dictate boundaries. This ensures that children learn to differentiate between their feelings and behaviors, a key aspect of emotional regulation [01:09:40].
Practical Strategies for Parents
Emotional Validation and Boundaries
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Validate Feelings: When a child is upset, it helps to acknowledge and validate their feelings. Saying “I believe you” can be incredibly powerful, as it assures them that their emotions are recognized and real [01:06:00].
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Set Clear Boundaries: Boundaries should be articulated clearly, focusing on what the parent will do rather than expecting the child to change. For example, if a child refuses to turn off the TV, a boundary would be, “If the TV is still on when I come back, I will turn it off” [00:16:11].
Managing Outbursts
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Staying Calm: Parents should strive to remain calm during a child’s outburst and avoid reacting defensively. This can sometimes mean doing nothing in the immediate moment to give the child space to reflect on their behavior [01:10:10].
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Consistent Follow-Through: After the incident, discuss with your child what happened in a calm and constructive manner. This discussion should be centered on the feelings underneath the outburst rather than the outburst itself.
Building Resilience
Dr. Kennedy suggests that helping children increase their tolerance for frustration is crucial. Children should experience and learn to navigate frustrations without immediate gratification. This helps in developing resilience and an understanding that emotions can be managed constructively [01:52:00].
Takeaway
Managing difficult emotions in children requires a thoughtful combination of empathy and boundary-setting that shows children they are safe, their feelings are acknowledged, and there can be constructive responses to their emotional experiences. These strategies aid in cultivating a child’s ability to self-regulate, fostering long-term emotional health. By applying these practices, parents can effectively support their children in navigating their emotional world, forming a foundation for stable and resilient mental health.