From: alexhormozi
The person one chooses to spend their life with significantly impacts who they become, what they achieve, and their overall happiness [00:00:04]. Despite this, many people spend more time deciding on a car or neighborhood than on a spouse [00:00:09]. Research suggests a 71% correlation between subjective well-being and the strength of one’s relationship with their significant other [00:00:17]. Over time, the amount of time spent with a spouse increases, while time with friends, family, and kids decreases [00:00:32], making the spouse the person with whom one spends the most time [00:00:39].
The Choice: Novelty vs. Loyalty
When considering long-term commitment, a significant tradeoff arises between novelty and loyalty [00:15:32]. The speaker articulates this choice as trading:
- Novelty for Loyalty [00:15:32]: Giving up the excitement of new experiences and partners for the security and predictability of a committed relationship [00:15:36]. Loyalty, in this context, is defined as the ability to predict another person’s future behavior based on their stated intentions and actions [00:15:46].
- Exploration for Trust [00:16:03]: Ceasing to explore new romantic possibilities in favor of investing time into one relationship, which yields the dividend of trust [00:16:09].
- The Chase for a Journey Together [00:16:17]: Moving from constantly seeking new partners to embarking on a shared journey with one person towards a common idea, goal, or purpose [00:16:26].
For the speaker, these were worthwhile tradeoffs [00:16:37]. He stopped seeing anyone he didn’t believe he could marry, which saved time for both parties [00:16:40].
Honesty and Intentions
It is considered unethical to pretend a future commitment (like marriage or children) might happen when one knows it won’t [00:17:02]. Instead, it is crucial to state facts and tell the truth in hard conversations, clearly communicating intentions [00:17:15]. If someone truly prefers novelty, exploration, or the chase, then marriage may not be the right path for them [00:17:38].