From: alexhormozi
The composition of one’s close circle significantly influences personal growth and trajectory toward success [00:00:02]. As individuals evolve, the people surrounding them must also align with their evolving values and aspirations, often leading to a natural shedding of old friendships [00:00:00].
The Seasonal Nature of Friendships
Life is often viewed in “seasons” of three to five years, during which personal priorities and identities can drastically change [00:00:21]. Historically, individuals have shed friends with each new season of life, maintaining a very small close circle [00:00:00]. This rapid shedding allows for quick personal growth, as one does not hold onto things that no longer provide value [00:00:12].
For example, a transition from high school to college, and then from college to a different life phase, often marks a natural departure from previous social circles [00:00:27]. The idea that friends must be “friends for life” is a romanticized societal story [00:03:30], but in reality, relationships don’t need to last forever to have been good [00:08:35].
The Price of Greatness and Social Circles
Achieving greatness or uncommon outcomes requires a willingness to pay a significant price [00:01:08]. The goal itself doesn’t make one unique; it’s the willingness to make the necessary sacrifices [00:01:25]. Most people are not “bound for greatness” due to their choices and inherent characteristics [00:00:52].
The societal narrative that implies abandoning old friends means forgetting one’s roots is often told by the majority who get left behind [00:00:57]. It is statistically unlikely that friends from childhood will be among the top 1% or 0.1% of people, making it logical for friendships to change over time [00:03:30].
Identity, Labels, and Growth
Past friends often hold an outdated identity of an individual and may reinforce those old labels [00:01:46]. When someone is growing and evolving, these old labels can be actively “beaten” into them by friends who see personal development as merely “change” rather than growth [00:02:00].
It is crucial to have people around who do not believe the lies one used to tell about themselves and who encourage the behaviors and character traits one wishes to cultivate [00:04:22]. Shedding old identities is a core part of personal development and success, requiring a willingness to declare “I am no longer this way” and “I will no longer behave in this way” [00:04:39].
Relationships as Transactional
All relationships have an exchange where both parties receive something [00:02:44]. While the term “transactional” may sound commercial, from a behavioral standpoint, interactions are either reinforced or punished [00:02:51]. The strength of a relationship can be measured by how long one is willing to wait for positive reinforcement [00:03:09]. However, if positive reinforcement ceases, the relationship will eventually be cut off, regardless of its history [00:03:21].
The amount of love or liking for someone is directly proportional to what one is willing to sacrifice to maintain that relationship [00:02:09]. This serves as a filter to determine which friends are truly valued and for whom one is willing to sacrifice the most [00:02:37].
Navigating Difficult Conversations and New Connections
The challenges of changing social circles for personal development often arise from societal stories that label those who move on as “bad friends” [00:03:40]. However, letting go of unserving relationships creates space for new friendships that align better with current goals [00:03:51].
When a relationship no longer serves, communication can naturally fizzle out by reducing frequency of contact and declining invitations [00:06:06]. If a relationship is too close for this to happen subtly, direct and honest communication is encouraged [00:06:17]. Being kind means telling the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable, which can lead to stronger relationships or clarity on their termination [00:06:26].
When old friends no longer align with one’s path, they may actively encourage behavior that one is trying to shed, hindering personal growth [00:04:13]. It is important to remember that people’s judgments about how one spends their time are merely reflections of their own choices, not objective truths [00:07:20].
After shedding friends who no longer fit, the next step is to join new communities that align with one’s goals [00:07:46]. This allows for making new friends who share similar aspirations [00:07:50]. As one progresses within these communities, they can gain status and LeapFrog into other communities with higher-achieving individuals [00:07:57]. This process is akin to “lunch tables on steroids” [00:08:05]. To live a “rare life,” one must be surrounded by “rare people,” who by definition are not common [00:08:08].