From: alexhormozi
Shedding friends and relationships is a recurring theme throughout life, enabling rapid personal growth and the pursuit of individual goals [00:00:12]. The speaker views life in three-to-five-year “seasons,” each often necessitating a different circle of relationships [00:00:20]. This contrasts with a societal narrative that often judges those who outgrow their former social circles [00:00:57].
Why Shed Relationships?
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs and Self-Identity and External Labels
A primary reason for cutting people out of one’s life is to escape the labels and past identities that old acquaintances speak over them [00:01:30]. People from one’s past may resist one’s growth because it doesn’t match their established pattern of who they believe you to be [00:01:51]. They may even encourage old, undesirable behaviors by retelling stories of who you used to be [00:04:18]. The best response to “you’ve changed” is “Yeah, you have it,” acknowledging the natural process of growth [00:02:05]. This willingness to “shed identities” is seen as core to entrepreneurship and personal evolution [00:04:39].
The Transactional Nature of Relationships
Relationships are inherently transactional, with both parties receiving and giving value [00:02:44]. The measure of love or commitment in a relationship is directly proportional to what one is willing to sacrifice to maintain it [00:02:09]. If a relationship ceases to provide value or is not reinforced by positive experiences over time, it may naturally fizzle out or be cut off [00:03:09].
Aligning Relationships with Personal Goals and Values
As individuals grow and their goals evolve, their social circles may no longer align with their aspirations [00:00:52]. For example, if one’s goals change from social drinking to academic study, former friends may no longer fit into the new lifestyle [00:00:39]. It makes sense to change friends over time because statistically, people encountered early in life are unlikely to be among the “greats” or top performers [00:03:30]. It is beneficial to be surrounded by people who encourage the behaviors one aspires to embody [00:04:34].
Making Room for New Connections
Shedding a relationship creates space for new connections that may be more aligned with current goals and values [00:03:51]. The speaker implies that not maintaining relationships that don’t serve one allows both parties to find more suitable connections. For instance, if one no longer wants to drink, a friend who does would be better served by a companion who shares that interest [00:04:06].
Navigating the Process of Shedding
Gradual Dissolution
Relationships can naturally fizzle out by reducing communication frequency, accepting fewer invitations, and decreasing the amount of time spent together [00:06:06]. This is a common and often less confrontational approach.
Honest Communication
When a relationship is too close for a gradual fade-out, open and honest conversations are encouraged [00:06:17]. Being kind means telling the truth [00:06:24]. This directness can lead to either stronger, more authentic relationships or a clear end to those that are no longer serving their purpose [00:06:45].
The Pursuit of a “Rare Life”
The speaker expresses a desire to live a “rare life” and, by extension, to be surrounded by “rare people” who share ambitious goals [00:08:08]. This pursuit requires a willingness to make significant sacrifices, including those related to relationships, to achieve one’s dreams [00:07:07].
Prioritizing Goals and Time
Time, focus, and energy are finite resources [00:05:43]. To achieve ambitious goals, it’s crucial to concentrate energy in one direction rather than scattering it across many obligations [00:05:48]. The speaker explicitly states they are not willing to pay a “debt” of constant time commitment to past benefactors if that relationship no longer provides current value or aligns with their intense focus [00:05:31].
Building New Communities
After weeding out misaligned relationships, the best approach is to join new communities where individuals share similar goals [00:07:47]. By committing deeply and rising within these communities, one can connect with high-achieving individuals and potentially “leapfrog into other communities” [00:07:53].
Redefining Loyalty
The concept of “friends for life” is challenged, viewed as a “romantic story” that isn’t always necessary for a good life [00:08:37]. It’s acceptable and even beneficial to have many friends over different “seasons” of life [00:08:30]. The true measure of a strong relationship is the willingness to continually invest, rather than a fixed commitment based on past history. This approach contributes to a life where one feels they are achieving “epic” things [00:08:18].