From: alexhormozi
Friendships often evolve throughout life, and for those pursuing rapid personal growth and success, the need to change social circles can be a recurring theme [00:00:00]. The speaker views life in “three to five year Seasons” and sheds relationships that no longer provide value, enabling quick personal growth [00:00:12].
Shedding Old Circles for New Growth
The speaker notes a pattern of leaving friends behind after significant life transitions, such as graduating high school and college, as part of their personal transformation [00:00:29]. This willingness to let go is tied to a belief that most people are not “Bound for greatness” due to their choices and inherent nature [00:00:52].
The notion of friends leaving their hometown and forgetting their roots is a societal narrative, often told by the majority who get left behind [00:00:57]. The ability to pursue desired outcomes in life requires a willingness to pay the “price,” and this often includes making difficult choices about one’s social circle [00:01:09].
The Price of Greatness
The speaker states that “winners and losers have the same goals” and that uniqueness comes from the “willingness to pay the price” to achieve those goals [00:01:21]. Achieving greatness often means making different choices than the majority, which impacts social interactions [00:07:44].
Impact of Old Relationships on Identity
A significant reason for cutting people out is to avoid the “labels they speak over me” [00:01:30]. People from one’s past often hold onto the previous identity they knew, and may “beat that label into you” when you try to change [00:01:46]. While individuals see themselves as growing, old friends may perceive it as merely changing [00:02:00]. The best response to “You’ve changed” is simply “Yeah, you haven’t” [00:02:05].
Old friends might also reinforce past negative behaviors or stories, hindering progress towards desired character traits [00:04:13]. Shedding identities is a core part of entrepreneurship, requiring a willingness to declare “I am no longer this way” and “I will no longer behave in this way” [00:04:39].
The Nature of Relationships and Sacrifice
The strength of a relationship is directly proportional to what one is willing to give up to maintain it [00:02:09]. This perspective serves as a filter for determining which friendships are most valued and worth sacrificing for [00:02:37].
Relationships as Transactions
The speaker argues that all relationships are transactional, meaning there’s an exchange where both parties gain something [00:02:42]. From a behavioral standpoint, exchanges are either reinforced or punished [00:02:57]. The willingness to wait for positive reinforcement in a relationship is linked to a history of positive experiences [00:03:09]. However, if there’s no positive reinforcement over time, a relationship will eventually be cut off [00:03:21].
Setting Boundaries and Valuing Time
The speaker illustrates this point with a personal story about a former teacher who helped them develop physically and academically [00:05:02]. When asked for a two-hour weekly call, the speaker declined, stating they weren’t willing to dedicate 100 hours a year indefinitely to “pay a debt” [00:05:21]. This highlights the importance of prioritizing time, focus, and energy towards one’s goals [00:05:42].
Navigating Social Expectations and Finding New Connections
Society often tells a romanticized story of “friends for life,” leading people to feel guilt or believe they are a “bad friend” for ending relationships that no longer serve them [00:03:39]. However, making room in one’s life for new connections is also an act of being a “good friend” to those future relationships [00:03:51].
Honest Communication
When a relationship naturally fizzles out by reducing communication, it’s often unspoken [00:06:09]. However, if the closeness of a relationship makes a conversation necessary, the speaker encourages direct and honest communication [00:06:17]. Telling the truth, even if difficult, leads to either “better relationships or you’ll be done with this Mickey Mouse” dynamic [00:06:45]. This honesty can also give a past friend a chance to recognize that their own path might have diverged from their goals [00:06:53].
Building New Communities
After shedding old friends, the best course of action is to join new communities where individuals share similar goals [00:07:47]. By committing time and effort, one can rise within these communities, gain status, and “LeapFrog into other communities” [00:07:56]. This process allows individuals to surround themselves with “rare people” who are also pursuing “epic” achievements [00:08:08]. The speaker is comfortable having had many friends across different seasons of life, viewing these connections as valuable for their duration, not necessarily forever [00:08:30].