From: alexhormozi
The speaker, along with his wife, has built six multi-eight-figure companies in the last five years, with their current portfolio generating approximately $85 million annually through acquisition.com [00:00:00]. This extensive experience provides a unique perspective on working together as a couple and balancing work and marriage.
Work-Life Integration vs. Balance
The speaker challenges the conventional idea of “work-life balance,” suggesting that individuals have “one life” lived on their own terms [00:00:28]. He believes that people should optimize for activities they enjoy; if working provides more stimulus, one should work [00:00:33]. He personally enjoys working, to the extent that he prefers working on his birthday [00:01:00].
After a period in 2021 where he did “nothing” despite owning companies and generating significant cash flow, he felt miserable due to not being able to spend the money he made [00:01:31]. This experience led him to realize that he works to “create options, not to not work” [00:02:22]. The freedom lies in the choice to work, even when financial necessity is removed [00:02:27].
Marriage as a “Compromise”
The idea of marriage as a compromise is presented by another speaker, particularly in situations where a spouse’s “love language” is quality time, which conflicts with a partner’s desire to work extensively [00:03:40]. The speaker, however, views “compromise” in marriage as a “belief statement” rather than a fact [00:04:42]. He believes it is possible not to compromise if one chooses not to [00:09:43].
Another individual shared his experience, initially compromising his work hours to align with his partner’s expectation of being done by 5 p.m. [00:05:08]. While this arrangement initially seemed productive, over time it led to anxiety and a feeling of not being himself because he couldn’t work during his preferred periods of intense focus [00:05:18].
Relationship Dynamics in Professional Settings
The speaker presents his strong, albeit uncommon, views on relationship dynamics that he has observed to work over extended periods [00:05:50]. These dynamics often involve navigating business and personal relationships.
Working Together Dynamic
One effective dynamic is the “we’re in it together” approach, where both partners are actively involved in the “battlefield” or “arena” of professional endeavors [00:06:03]. This fosters a shared respect that is difficult to achieve when only one partner understands the demands of the work [00:06:24]. In this dynamic, if one partner needs to work intensely for several days, it’s understood and supported without discussion [00:06:31]. This model makes it easier to have a clearly stated mission and goals for the relationship [00:07:05].
Cheerleader and Quarterback Dynamic
The second dynamic is the “cheerleader and quarterback,” where one partner supports the other from the sidelines [00:06:06]. A true cheerleader “doesn’t ask the quarterback to come out when the game’s on the line” [00:06:43]. The speaker cautions that many relationships perceived as cheerleader dynamics are actually “inverted dynamics” that sabotage the game [00:06:53]. This dynamic requires a highly aligned mission and goals for the relationship itself [00:07:00].
Parallel Careers Dynamic
The speaker notes that the happiest couples are often those where both partners have careers, but not necessarily together [00:08:42]. These couples typically share goals and values and respect each other’s professional aspirations, walking “in parallel” [00:08:49].
Maintaining Relationships: Mystery vs. Familiarity
Drawing on the work of relationship expert Esther Perel, the speaker explains that initial attraction often stems from the mystery between individuals [00:07:35]. As partners get to know each other, they move from mystery to familiarity, gaining security and deeper connection [00:07:40]. However, over-correction can lead to partners becoming “siblings,” which is detrimental to the relationship [00:07:51]. The key is to manage the dichotomy between creating space and fostering familiarity [00:07:56].
Entrepreneurs, in particular, may initially spend a lot of time with their partners, but as their businesses grow, they may spend less time together and grow apart due to exposure to different stimuli [00:08:07]. Conversely, couples who work together, despite making significantly more money (up to five times more than other relationship versions) [00:08:22], risk becoming too familiar, also leading to a “sibling” dynamic [00:08:26].
To counteract this, the speaker and his wife intentionally create more space in their working relationship. They work on separate sides of the house and avoid attending the same meetings [00:08:31]. This allows them to have fresh conversations at dinner, where they can genuinely ask about each other’s day without already knowing the details [00:08:36]. This strategy helps them maintain the “space to be missed” [00:09:12]. In the early stages of their business, they spent all day, every day together, which required adjustments as the business grew [00:09:22].