From: alexhormozi
The speaker and his wife have successfully built six multi-eight-figure companies in the last five years, with their current portfolio generating approximately $85 million annually [00:00:00]. They also run Acquisition.com [00:00:06]. This article explores their insights into building these companies together as a married couple and the balance between work life and marriage [00:00:13].
Redefining Work-Life Balance
The speaker challenges the traditional notion of “work-life balance”, asserting that individuals have “one life” lived on their own terms [00:00:27]. He suggests optimizing for activities one enjoys [00:00:33]. If working provides more stimulus than not working, then one should work, with the freedom to adjust if they feel they are trading off something they value [00:00:37].
The speaker genuinely enjoys working, even preferring it on his birthday [00:00:45]. He believes that if one has achieved loving their work, they are simply “living” rather than “working” in the conventional sense [00:01:15].
In 2021, despite owning profitable companies and having substantial cash flow, the speaker did “nothing” and found it a “miserable year” because he couldn’t spend the money he was making [00:01:27]. This experience led him to realize his purpose was to work to create options, not to avoid work [00:02:19]. For him, the choice to work, even when financially not necessary, is the ultimate freedom [00:02:29].
Marriage Dynamics and Business
A key point of discussion revolved around marriage and compromise [00:03:37].
The “Compromise” Perspective
One perspective shared was that marriage inherently involves compromise [00:03:40]. For instance, if a spouse values quality time, working extensively might be seen as a point of contention requiring compromise [00:03:43].
Graham’s experience mirrored this, where his girlfriend expected work to end by 5 PM [00:04:55]. To accommodate, Graham tried working from 5 AM to 5 PM, which was productive initially [00:05:06]. However, over time, this forced schedule made him anxious, uptight, and “not himself” because he couldn’t work during his preferred hours when focused [00:05:17].
The “No Compromise” Perspective
The speaker, however, holds a strong, uncommon belief that marriage does not have to be a compromise [00:04:44]. He identifies two dynamics that work in long-term relationships:
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“We’re In It Together”:
- Description: Both partners are actively engaged in the “battlefield” or the business [00:06:03].
- Benefits: This dynamic fosters a unique shared respect that isn’t achieved when one partner doesn’t understand the demands of the “arena” [00:06:24]. There’s an innate understanding and support for intense work periods without discussion or resentment [00:06:31].
- Financial Impact: Couples in this dynamic tend to make five times more money than those in other structures [00:08:22].
- Challenge: The risk is becoming “too familiar” or like siblings [00:08:29].
- Correction: To counteract this, the speaker and his wife intentionally create more space, working on separate sides of the house and not attending the same meetings [00:08:31]. This allows them to have distinct experiences and share something new at dinner [00:08:36].
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“Cheerleader and Quarterback”:
- Description: One partner leads (quarterback), and the other provides support (cheerleader) [00:06:06].
- Condition for Success: A true cheerleader doesn’t ask the quarterback to leave when the game is on the line [00:06:43]. This dynamic requires a very aligned mission and goals for the relationship [00:06:59].
- Challenge: Often, what appears to be a cheerleader dynamic can be “inverted,” leading to sabotage [00:06:51].
Esther Perel’s Insights on Relationship Dynamics
The speaker references Esther Perel’s work on relationships, particularly her book “Mating in Captivity” [00:07:27].
- Mystery vs. Familiarity: Initial attraction in relationships is often built on mystery and excitement [00:07:35]. Over time, this shifts to familiarity and security [00:07:40].
- The “Sibling” Trap: The problem arises when couples over-correct towards familiarity, becoming like siblings, which diminishes passion [00:07:50].
- Dichotomy to be Managed: A healthy relationship is not a problem to be solved but a dichotomy of space versus familiarity to be managed [00:07:54].
Impact of Shared vs. Separate Careers
- Entrepreneurs with Non-Business Spouses: If entrepreneurs spend less time with their spouses due to business demands, they can grow apart because they are exposed to different stimuli and adapt differently [00:08:08].
- Couples Working Together: While often financially lucrative, these couples risk becoming “too familiar” [00:08:19]. They must actively create space to maintain individual experiences and prevent sibling-like dynamics [00:08:31].
- Happiest Couples (on Average): The speaker notes that on average, the happiest couples are those where both individuals have separate careers [00:08:42]. These couples often have shared goals and values, mutual respect, and walk in parallel, naturally maintaining a balance of space and familiarity [00:08:48].
Ultimately, the speaker believes that one does not “have to compromise anything if you don’t want to” in a relationship [00:09:43].