From: alexhormozi
When considering marriage dynamics and balancing career goals, couples often face the challenge of differentiating between a typical meal out and a dedicated date night [00:00:35].
Defining Date Night
While some outings might include expensive restaurants, these are not always considered true “dates,” especially for couples who frequently have business dinners in high-end establishments [00:00:46].
The key differentiator for a date night is a shift in intent and presentation:
- Dressing Up The male partner indicates that for a date, he “dresses up,” which means he showers, puts on deodorant, and doesn’t wear a hat [00:01:08]. This contrasts with daily attire and signals a special occasion [00:01:20].
- Incognito Mode This dressing up serves as a form of “incognito mode,” making the outing feel more private and less like a business engagement [00:01:16].
- Shared Activity Choice For at-home dates, the focus is on choosing a movie or activity that both partners genuinely want to watch or do together [00:01:29].
When Dates Are Needed
The frequency and necessity of dates are directly proportional to the amount of work the couple is engaged in [00:00:24]. If a couple is working extensively, they will actively need to prioritize and “carve out time” for dates [00:00:26]. Conversely, if work demands are low, they may have sufficient intermittent time together, reducing the explicit need to schedule formal dates [00:00:29].
The Importance of Intent
The primary distinction between a business dinner and a date is the intent behind the outing [00:01:05]. Even if the setting is a five-star restaurant, if the purpose is business, it’s not considered a date. The act of making it special, through conscious effort and presentation, transforms a regular meal into a dedicated date night [00:01:20].
Couples understand that in certain “seasons” of life, especially when pursuing ambitious goals, time together may be limited [00:03:23]. This requires open communication and accepting trade-offs, recognizing that a partner with significant goals may have less flexible time [00:04:17]. The approach becomes about aligning expectations with reality [00:05:05].
“If you want a spouse who’s super goal oriented and super ambitious the trade-off the price tag for that is that they’re going to work more and their schedule’s not going to be as flexible they’re not going to be able to go drop of a hat get away you know weekends and vacations and stuff if that’s the season they’re in.” [00:04:35]
For partners who are working together as a couple, the challenge of finding quality time is amplified because their work seasons often don’t align [00:18:49]. This means one partner may have free time while the other is busy [00:18:51]. In such cases, it is crucial to accept that one’s desires for immediate shared time may not always be met [00:18:07]. This allows individuals to pursue their own activities and avoid deterring their partner from their goals [00:18:20].
When shared time is scarce, it becomes even more cherished and exciting, as desire “comes from a place of lack” [00:19:07]. This can make limited shared moments, even simple ones, a highlight [00:19:32]. As author Esther Perell suggests, creating space for partners to be missed can enhance the relationship [00:19:40].