From: alexhormozi
To succeed, especially in your 20s, it’s crucial to be intentional about your social circle and influences, as they significantly impact your growth and future [03:09:00].
The Impact of Your Social Circle
Your friend group and the people you compare yourself to have a “disproportionate sway” over your behavior [03:09:00]. In fact, your reference group is one of the top correlations with how successful your life becomes and the goals you achieve [03:11:00].
Prioritizing Your Goals Over Relationships
It’s a tough truth, but sometimes you must prioritize your goals over your current friendships [03:37:00]. If a person in your life makes it less likely you’ll achieve your goals, it’s better to remove them [03:07:00]. While this may sound “unbalanced,” those who achieve great things often realize that “balance is a myth” at certain stages of their lives, opting instead for intense focus [00:50:13].
“Your goals will stick with you longer than these relationships. Your goals will serve you more than these relationships. And this is what this is the stuff that no one will tell you.” [03:23:00]
Many friendships are based on convenience—like living in the same dorm or neighborhood, or attending the same class [03:56:00]. As your conditions change, many of these relationships will naturally fade away [03:05:00]. The speaker, for example, only talks to one friend from middle/high school and two from college, and even then, only every six months or so [03:33:00].
Identifying True Friends
Ask yourself a simple question about your friends: Is it “more likely or less likely that I hit my goals with this person in my life?” [03:03:00] If your friends don’t support your goals, they are not truly your friends; some might even be your “enemies” [04:04:00].
“It’s better to have friends who force you to grow than ones who accept you as you are because the biggest risk to your future isn’t your future competition or your Rivals it’s the distraction that you insist on keeping in your life rather than doing the things you know you should be doing but aren’t.” [03:11:00]
Navigating the “Lonely Chapter”
When you embark on a path of personal development and goal achievement, you often enter a “lonely chapter” [03:48:00]. This is a period where you no longer fit in with your old friends, but you haven’t yet achieved enough to integrate with a new group [03:48:00].
- Embrace the isolation: This period, devoid of distractions, can be highly productive, allowing you to focus disproportionately on your work and learning [03:50:00].
- Resist conformity: Don’t “bend the knee” to the hate or disapproval from your old circle just to fit back in [03:17:00]. This path is comfortable and warm, but “you know exactly where it ends,” and it’s likely not where you want to be [03:32:00].
- The price of being exceptional: If you aim to be exceptional, you will, by definition, be the exception [03:48:00]. You will be “unlike the others,” which naturally places you in the “outgroup” [03:54:00]. While this desire to be in the “ingroup” is deeply ingrained in our DNA and can cause feelings of shame, it’s a necessary step in your transition between social circles [03:59:00].
Impressions and Humility
How you present yourself and interact with others, especially those more experienced, plays a key role in your growth.
- Impressing the right people: If you want to impress rich people, outwork them [03:58:00]. Attempting to impress poor people by outspending them, or showing off early in your career, will be seen as irresponsible by wealthy individuals [03:55:00].
- Humility is power: For younger individuals, those ahead of you are often willing to share valuable advice if you humble yourself [02:29:00]. By admitting you don’t know everything and are eager to learn, you can receive insights worth “thousands of dollars, years of your life for free” [02:05:00]. Don’t let ego prevent you from learning from those with more experience, even if you think you’re smarter [02:40:00]. Humility allows others to exalt you through your work, rather than you exalting yourself and appearing insecure [03:08:00].
“I would rather humble myself rather than have the world humble me.” [03:06:00]
The constant appraisal of your skills and activities, asking whether they make it “more or less likely” you hit your goals, will bring clarity [03:52:00].