From: alexhormozi
The speaker, who has built six multi-eight-figure companies with his wife in the last five years, discusses his approach to work-life balance and the dynamics of working together as a married couple [00:00:00]. Their current portfolio generates approximately $85 million annually, and they also run acquisition.com [00:00:02].
Redefining “Work-Life Balance”
The speaker challenges the conventional idea of “work-life balance,” stating that one has “one life” lived on their own terms [00:00:28]. He believes people should optimize for activities they enjoy [00:00:33]. If working provides more stimulation than not working, then one should work, and adjustments can be made if undesired trade-offs occur [00:00:37]. For him, working is enjoyable; he even prefers to work on his birthday [00:01:00].
He suggests that the common saying “do something you love and you’ll never work another day in your life” stems from a poor definition of work [00:01:15]. If one achieves this state, they are simply “living” through their activities [00:01:21].
In 2021, despite owning multiple companies generating significant cash flow, he was miserable because he “did nothing” and couldn’t spend the money he was making [00:01:31]. This led to a feeling of pointlessness [00:01:45]. Starting acquisition.com and building its infrastructure brought him immense joy by getting “back into the game” [00:01:54].
He realized that his goal is to “work to create options, not to not work” [00:02:22]. Many people work hard to avoid future work, but he works to have the freedom to choose to work, which is his definition of freedom [00:02:27]. Even after achieving financial success where he could not spend all his money, he found that the most meaningful activity was the one that led him there: working [00:02:41].
Marriage and Work: The Compromise Debate
The interviewer raises the point that marriage often requires compromise, especially when a partner’s “love language” is quality time [00:03:39]. The speaker, however, asserts that “compromise is a belief statement” rather than a fact [00:04:41], stating, “I don’t believe that marriage is compromise” [00:04:45].
Another individual, Graham, shared his experience:
- His partner Macy expected work to end by 5 or 6 PM [00:04:55].
- Graham’s mind works 24/7 [00:05:01].
- He initially tried to accommodate by waking up early to finish work by 5 PM [00:05:05].
- While productive in the mornings, over time, he felt anxious, uptight, and not himself if he couldn’t work during hours he desired, especially when highly focused [00:05:17].
Relationship Dynamics in Business
The speaker acknowledges his “uncommon” views on relationships, stating they align with his desire for an uncommon life [00:05:49]. He has observed two effective dynamics in relationships over extended periods:
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“We’re in it together”: Both partners actively participate in the business or the “game” [00:06:03].
- This dynamic fosters a deep shared respect that is difficult to achieve when one partner doesn’t understand the “battlefield” [00:06:24].
- For example, if one partner needs to work intensely for several days, there’s no discussion or negative reaction; it’s understood and supported [00:06:31].
- It is easier to manage this dynamic because the mission and goals are “so clearly stated” [00:07:06].
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“Cheerleader and quarterback”: One partner (the cheerleader) supports the other (the quarterback) in their endeavors [00:06:06].
- A true cheerleader “doesn’t ask the quarterback to come out when the game’s on the line” [00:06:43].
- He warns against “inverted dynamics” where the “cheerleader” might actually be sabotaging the game [00:06:53]. This dynamic requires a “very aligned mission and goals” for the relationship [00:07:00].
Managing Familiarity vs. Space in Relationships
Drawing on Esther Perel’s work, the speaker explains that initial attraction comes from “mystery” [00:07:36]. Over time, as couples become more familiar, they gain security, but can “over correct and then you become siblings” [00:07:40]. This is a “dichotomy to be managed,” balancing space and familiarity [00:07:56].
For entrepreneurs, specifically, relationship challenges arise if partners grow apart due to exposure to different stimuli, leading to adaptation and divergence [00:08:04].
In scenarios like his own, where both partners are “doing the same thing together”:
- These couples tend to make “five times more money than any of the other versions” [00:08:17].
- However, the downside is the risk of becoming too familiar and “just become siblings” [00:08:26].
- To counteract this, the speaker and his wife intentionally create more space: they work on separate sides of the house and don’t attend the same meetings [00:08:31]. This allows them to have new things to discuss at dinner, maintaining an element of mystery [00:08:36].
The speaker notes that the happiest couples are often those with separate, respected careers that are not necessarily together [00:08:42]. These couples share goals, values, and respect for one another’s ambitions, walking “in parallel” [00:08:49].
Different relationship dynamics require different “corrections”:
- Couples working together must “correct for trying to create more familiarity” (i.e., create more space) [00:09:05].
- Those with one partner as a stay-at-home spouse often see things “go wrong” [00:09:01].
- Couples with parallel careers tend to be in the “middle” already and simply need to maintain their path [00:09:15].
Ultimately, the speaker concludes that one doesn’t “have to compromise anything if you don’t want to” [00:09:43].