From: alexhormozi
The speaker emphasizes a dynamic approach to relationships, viewing them as evolving alongside personal growth and life seasons. They assert that one’s personal growth often necessitates changes in their social circle [00:00:12].
Shedding Relationships Through Seasons
The speaker’s close circle has consistently been very small [00:00:05]. They describe their life in “three to five year Seasons,” each bringing different friends and, often, a shedding of past contacts. For example, they stopped being in contact with most high school friends after leaving high school [00:00:27], and similarly with college friends upon graduating [00:00:47]. This process of shedding is tied to personal growth and the perceived value a relationship provides [00:00:12].
The Price of Goals and the Nature of Relationships
Achieving ambitious goals requires a willingness to pay a price, and this principle extends to relationships [00:01:09]. Most people are not “Bound for greatness” [00:00:52], and statistically, it’s unlikely that childhood friends will align with top-tier aspirations [00:03:30]. Therefore, changing friends over time is a natural consequence [00:03:39].
Relationships are seen as inherently transactional, even if the term “commercial” has a negative connotation [00:02:49]. In any relationship, there is an exchange where both parties receive something [00:02:44]. Behaviors within relationships are either reinforced or punished [00:02:57]. A long history of positive experiences allows for enduring periods without immediate positive reinforcement, but eventually, if no positive reinforcement occurs, relationships may be cut off [00:03:14].
The Role of Labels and Identity
One reason for cutting people out is the “labels they speak over me” [00:01:30]. People from one’s past often hold onto a former identity of you, and may reinforce that old image, hindering your growth [00:01:46]. When someone says, “you’ve changed,” the best response is “yeah you have” [00:02:05]. This emphasizes that personal evolution is not a betrayal of identity, but a natural progression [00:02:00]. Shedding identities is considered a core part of entrepreneurship, requiring a willingness to declare, “I am no longer this way; I will no longer behave in this way” [00:04:39].
Evaluating Relationships Based on Sacrifice and Utility
The amount of love or liking for someone is directly proportional to what one is willing to give up to maintain the relationship [00:02:09]. This acts as a filter to determine which friends are valued most and for whom one is willing to sacrifice the most [00:02:37].
The speaker provides a personal example: a past teacher who significantly helped them wanted a two-hour weekly call, but the speaker was unwilling to commit this time, seeing the value of the relationship as being “in the past” [00:05:02]. This decision, though potentially seen negatively by some, highlights setting priorities for success and allocating limited time and energy towards current goals [00:05:42]. To maintain intense focus and rapid progress, energy must be concentrated in one direction [00:05:48]. For example, the speaker dedicates one hour a week to their closest friend, Dr. Kashi, a relationship that provides significant ongoing value [00:05:52].
Navigating Relationship Changes and Building New Connections
Society often tells a romantic story of “friends for life” [00:03:39], making people “weird” about cutting off relationships that no longer serve them [00:04:43]. However, letting go of old relationships makes room for new, more aligned ones [00:03:51].
When relationships no longer provide positive reinforcement or align with goals, communication may naturally fizzle out by reducing frequency and acceptance of invitations [00:06:06]. If a direct conversation is needed, honesty is encouraged, even if difficult [00:06:18]. Telling the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable, can lead to either stronger relationships or a clear end to those that aren’t genuine [00:06:27]. This directness can potentially help the other person realize they are not on their desired path [00:06:53].
To replace relationships that have been shed, the speaker advises joining communities where individuals share similar goals [00:07:46]. By excelling in these communities, one can rise in status and connect with others at the top, potentially leapfrogging into other communities [00:07:58]. The ultimate aim is to live a “rare life” surrounded by “rare people” who are committed to going “all the way” and achieving “epic shit” [00:08:07]. The speaker is content with having had many friends across different seasons, as long as those seasons were “awesome,” recognizing that not all relationships need to be “forever to be good” [00:08:30].